all i want is to roll down a grassy hill

in the midst of a slow and steady attitude i feel a rush. im not sure why i let myself get some crazy ideas and then dwell on them. i used to feel so unruly, so overly independent and never constraint. the infinity of my desires has suddenly become a finite reality. and still i want that old feeling back, that oblivious bubble of happiness gives me comfort. there are people who live their lives in very abnormal ways. abnormal meaning that which is not the normal. i like that. if that was me, i think id be ok with being someone who i never thought was me, but someone whom i find comfort in. i never did realize just how much i am concerned with how i am seen and heard by others and the more i notice my insecurities the more i don't care.

i looked at myself in the mirror today and saw a girl with brown curls, a tan, an expressionless expression. i like to think of people more in those terms, rather than as doctors or mothers or boys or girls. is it possible to be negative but positive at the same time? my dilemma is that a lot of things piss me off and i am pretty outspoken about those things. but i dont let that ruin my attitude, im still a happy camper who loves to love. maybe there is a grey area in which i belong. can i ever keep a single train of thought? no.

current mood: