In loving memory of Asher Sirkin

today i said goodbye to one of my good friends. i never expected this. nobody did. i never thought that i would be praying with everything i have, all my heart and soul to keep him alive for just a little longer. ive always prayed for him, but never was i so desperate in my thoughts and prayers. im not ready to let go. but there is really nothing i can do (and how i wish i could) to change the situation. wow. a big wow. i miss your smile, your wit, your long warm hugs. just as the rabbi said before us all, id go around collecting years from people that they would gladly give up for you until i reach one thousand. i tried to save my tears because i knew you'd frown at my red, wet face. but i am sorry, i couldn't hold them in. you. you gave me so much meaning in my life. you always carried this peaceful aura, you could walk into a room, and somehow everything would be o.k. you always brought the best out of everyone, always putting yourself last. you never ushered a complain, not even through the toughest times. i always heard "im so much better" with promise in your voice, and i believed you. i believed you even when you were at your hardest and most painful times. its too surreal to get the unwanted phone calls, the repulsive feelings, the dreaded sorrow. but i know you picked your moment, you finally did what you needed to do for yourself.
i want to thank you, for everything that you were. always a smile on your face, and its always a real one, from ear to ear. one time i asked you what you wanted to do with your life, your future. you told me you were not sure, because you never thought you had a future. but if i can live the rest of my life like you have lived your short one, i would be the happiest person in the world, because i know that you were. i can go on and talk about all the wonderful things that you have done for so many people in your life, but i think the list is endless. you gave so much love. ive never met someone with so much compassion, so much to give.
you used to call me and say "hello my wife, how are the kids" and id give you an update. id always say "i thought they were with you this weekend!" and you would say you lost them. you always listened, i always had to go first and spill my life to you before you told me about yours.
i don't think the word 'amazing' does you justice. when i think of you i always smile, because i can just imagine you doing something completely goofy, or striking some silly pose. i want to be a better person, i want to be more like you, because i think that we often get so self involved that we forget about what really matters. and you always, always knew the important things in life. you have perpetually inspired me, and that is what i want to share with the rest of the world. i want to share Asher with everyone that i meet and give the kind of love and friendship that you did to everyone.
as we were driving in to the cemetery i was so scared. i didn't want you there. as we drove in a group of birds flew up and led us to where you were. i know that was you watching over us, telling us that its ok. i know because the feeling was mutual. and i know that you will always be watching over me, my little guardian angel. i love you Asher, you always knew that.