yesterday came suddenly

and i am sitting once again in my room listening to the Beatles this time. Thinking of the good times. Just the good times. Why think of the bad times? This summer has been unlike any other summer, and its not over yet. But its very chill. I don't remember a summer when I wasn't away working at camp or on vacation to Italy or at my grandparents killing time. Yes this summer I also spent in Europe, part of it. But it was different. It was with the chicas. And now all I have is my room, my fabulous room that is, Gordos Taqueria around the corner, and Mono Cafe up the street, where I do my coffee shopping of course. I also have my local bus driver who tried to hit on me yesterday and even gave me an extended time on my bus recite. How sweet. I also have the old Russian grandmas and grandpas walking on Geary and the old Chinese grandmas and grandpas on Clement. They give me negative and shameful looks, but I dodge them with my thick glasses and my indifferent and casual demeanor. Yes I have demeanor now! I found myself not caring about a lot of things. But this only came upon me yesterday when I actually looked at myself in the mirror, like really looked and had a hard time recognizing the bohemian face looking back at me. Something was missing, a piercing of some sort, a tattoo maybe, but it wasn't me, like the me that I know on the inside and that image of myself gave me a strong feeling. If the real me that I know is not the me that people see when they look at me then what is the point in being shy or put up a guard or to look away when I get disdainful and sloppy animal looks from strangers? It's not me they are seeing, but just a front. And that is what I decided to become. They may see what they would like but only I know the me that is me. I think.