mood is strange
its strange how such simple things can completely change my mood. this morning i woke up with the same sad expression on my face, the same lethargic feeling of restlessness , and a foreboding of the day. I did my usual tea and toast and checking of the email (my goal is to spend under 5 hours on the computer today) and surprisingly i got an unexpected email from an old camp person. I don't know what powers camp has (oh i knowjca has always worked in very odd and mysterious ways) or maybe its just that im already feeling so down, but within an instant i became a completely different person. so i turned on some Ani. my most favorite of favorites and I have been avoiding her. why? sheusually gives me so much feeling of strength and motivation. i supposeit is because i didn't need her help before, so now I am turning backto my usual Ani listening, art making, eccentric and mingling self. and i am really excited about that.
im still on the prowl about what to do, where to go, what to be.... i
found this opportunity to go to S. Korea to teach English abroad and I
am so so tempted, all paid for flights and housing and salary. what is
stopping me? last night i had another dreadful talk about my future
with one of the relatives and its another "don't waste your time, you
are so lucky.. use it, you already did enough traveling, soon you will
be old with babies, blah blah" and i want to just get away from all of that. but then i look back and alot of the advice many "adults" gave me turned out to be to my benefit in the end, is this another one of those times? i dont think the war inside my head will ever end.
so i am having coffee with david today, once in 2 weeks that i will see someone besides the dwellers of this house.
where are all my friends? if they do not live in a foreign country, they have moved on, found a new muse, became "busy".
well san francisco is just days away and i am so so excited, but my only fear is that nothing will come of it. i am determined though.
im still on the prowl about what to do, where to go, what to be.... i
found this opportunity to go to S. Korea to teach English abroad and I
am so so tempted, all paid for flights and housing and salary. what is
stopping me? last night i had another dreadful talk about my future
with one of the relatives and its another "don't waste your time, you
are so lucky.. use it, you already did enough traveling, soon you will
be old with babies, blah blah" and i want to just get away from all of that. but then i look back and alot of the advice many "adults" gave me turned out to be to my benefit in the end, is this another one of those times? i dont think the war inside my head will ever end.
so i am having coffee with david today, once in 2 weeks that i will see someone besides the dwellers of this house.
where are all my friends? if they do not live in a foreign country, they have moved on, found a new muse, became "busy".
well san francisco is just days away and i am so so excited, but my only fear is that nothing will come of it. i am determined though.
1 Comments:
Weird. I'm just a random internet surfer, but found your blog somehow and you are me just a few years younger. And I'm still in the same place as you. Haven't commited to grad/law school. Haven't found the right career. Am happiest when I'm wandering/traveling. So do more of it!!! Looks like you probably just got out of college a year ago. There is so much time. I've wasted 3+ years of my life pursuing a career (acting) in an industry that takes everything and gives nothing back, and I'm just now realizing that I could've been doing things that made me happy instead. If something excites you, try it. Don't get stuck somewhere that sucks. Besides, varied life experiences look excellent on law school apps. :-)
Good luck,
Vica from the future
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