silly thoughts: st. petersburg

i have been brewing my thoughts about my trip to st. petersburg, russia and rethinking what exactly came of my visit. i vaguely defined my reason for visiting as a "reconnection with my roots" but i think it was more than that. i think i really wanted to prove something to myself. im not exactly sure what i was attempting to prove or disprove, but i knew that i had to go and see where i came from. and so, i went.

st. petersburg is the most beautiful place that i have ever been to (and ive been to lots of places) the architecture, the churches, the palaces, the theatres, they are all rich. rich rich rich. gold and marble and amber and precious stones. statues of past tsars and great poets on many corners of many streets. the neva, the boats, the bridges, the lights, all decorated and all glamorous from centuries and centuries ago.

looking back at any trip is much different from how the trip actually occured, it is difficultt o recall certain feelings and physical states of mind and body in retrospect. but hey, here it goes.

when we first got to the airport in St. Petersburg, we quickly learned that one of our bags was missing. it was found on a computer screen to be floating around somewhere in Charlotte... yes it was the Americans who forgot our bag but the Russians who refused to bring it to us the very next day when the bag arrived. we were so tired from the almost 24 hour trip LA-Charlotte-London-St. Petersburg, plus my mom and her enormous case of rediculit (back pain), she refused to not go on this trip although I begged her to stay home.. yeah ti was that bad, she had very big problems sitting so you can imagine the pain she endured on the plane. she entertained the crowd by standing in front of the TV and looking around the business class doing some sort of leg exercises. yes, they hated us.

so we were tired. we were happily greeted by my mom's good friend vica and her husband vova, who, by the end of our trip was my favorite character. they came on 2 cars, because vica's new Daewoo, just as many cars which people drive over there is very tiny and could barely fit the 3 of us and the bags would not fit. we rented an apartment from vica's co-worker's daughter... it was in the ohta area, which is close to where my family lived back in the day. i must admit, my mom and i were very spoiled with our apartment because it was a very very nice place for russian standards. they call it a euro remont... or european remodeling. it basically resembles those rooms you see in IKEA but alot smaller, since the apartments are compartmental compared to the ones here in the States. the very first thing that i not only noticed as different but that i remembered were the smells. the smell of the streets (cement mixed with car exhaust and the river), the smell of neighborhoods where children play, and especially the scent, or should i say odor of the paradnaya (the entrance to an apartment building). i suppose that is always the 1st thing someone notices as different but i did not imagine this would have such a great effect on me that i actually remembered a smell of a street from when i was only a little girl.

after a good night's sleep we headed out. well.. we planned to head out thinking that it would be warm as the previous day but for some reason my mom did not think to bring an umbrella. and you never know just when it might start raining. yep our first day to head out! so we braved the rainy streets and finally found a place thats sells umbrellas. by this time our shoes were all wet but we kept going with wet feet.... its too time consuming to go back and forth even though the public transportation is pretty good it is still a bit of walking.

we walked past my old house where we used to live and went to see my old elementary school.

this hand rail of my school i remember very well.

we then had to report to this place to elt them know that i have arrived and geta stamp and pay $20 and get this little piece of paper which i could not lose or else i would have problems exiting russia.

we did alot of walking. and i mean... alot. i had to actually buy myself a new pair of shoes because i was so uncomfortable with my "walking" shoes that i've had for years. i thought i already do alot of walking in san francisco.. you's think so since i do not posess a car. but i did not realize how conveneint everything is laid out for me back home. in saint petersburg, you first need to walk down 5 flights of stairs in your building, if you are with your mother that is who is deathly afraid of elevators, but i guess growing up in russia you might aquire an elevator phobia because they are really old and have a million dorrs you have to open and close and sometimes you even have to keep a button pushed until you get to your floor. after that you walk 3 long blocks to the bus. the bus takes you to the metro but you have to walk down the stairs down the loooong hall to your desired line then on the escalator which is soo long that you are on it for about 5 mins... thats a long time to be on an escalator. many people walk down the escalator (more walking) which means that you should be good about standing to the right side in case someone needs to walk past you. you after you get on the metro and u are lucky enough to get a seat, unless it is rush hour then good luck not even being pushed against the window. you get off the metro and walk the rest of the way until you get to your desired location. on top of this, if you are a woman, you are wearing very nice high heels. thats the end of that.

since i am on the topic of women and shoes. well, this is just a great phenomenon. i cannot even try to udnerstand how. i can understand why. but the how part really wows me. everyone walks in high heels. it looks painful to me. even if you are a grandmother taking your grandchild on a walk, you look nice and presentable and you are on some sort of heel. of course there were the really old ladies who wore dr. scholl type of foot wear but if you are young.. you are beautiful, blond, and russian orthodox. you also have a really nice body with a small ass and very long legs which are, again, standing on high heels. i must admit that this made a great impression on me. it was very attractive and sophisticated looking. also, there are no fat people in saint petersburg. by our standards at least. this made me feel very out of shape and out of place. i expected this but did not comprehend how fat Americans really are. or maybe we are normal.. no no, we are not normal but those Russian girls are definately all way too skinny. so you can only imagine how miserable i fealt in relation to these not only beautiful but perfect figured women. i still can't get over it.

next topic.
the family.

im not sure, again, what to expect with my family. even though it has been so long (7 years not seeing my cousin and her parents, and 14 years not seeing my dad's aunts) i was not nervous at all. i suppose that the whole blood and family aspect of it made me feel calm and i was just myself around them. my dad's aunts are just as i remember them, yes i do remember. they invited us for dinner which consisted of a very traditional and common russian table of boiled potatoes, meat, vegetable salad with sour cream, and pickles. they were very warm and welcomed us with much enthusiasm.
our first weekend we were invited on the dacha(russian summer house, i.e. outhouse and all) by my cousin's parents. they picked us up and it was very close to the city, only a 30 min drive. i loved it. it was right on the neva, it was warm, and the house itself was like a little teremok(fictitious russian house which has feet) it was 2 stories and we slept on the 2nd floor which we had to climb up to. there wer esooo many mosquitos that almost ate my alive. the house also had a garden with cucombers and dill and tomatoes growing. the outhouse was not as bad as i imagined and not at all smelly. this is when i met my cousin Liza, who is 17 and who i remember as a little girl when she came to visit us in the States. now she is a very modest and beautiful young lady who i like very much and, i think, she took a liking toward me as well. she showed me around the dacha and we walked around a lake. there were many young people at the lake in their bathing suits having bbq's and listening to Ace of Base, and Modern Talking on their boom boxes. she told me about all those great times she has on the dacha with ehr dacha friends and the camp fires and etc. very cool, i thought. so in the summer, that is what people do. go to the dacha, on the weekends at least since they work during the week. mostly because it is way too hot in the city, and also just because it is good to be in nature, even for a few days out of the week.

this is my cousin Liza and I on the dacha, tanning by the Neva.

blowing an aduvanchik on the dacha.

next phase. the food.
well i cannot say WOW beacuse i tried something new or because i was stunned by anything. but a big WOW for eating so many delicious blinchiki and so many delicious little zapikanki and so much borsh and so much of russian delicacies. no it was not anything new to me, but it was delicious never the less, oh and did i mention the kebab? ok after i ordered it once i kept wanting to go to an armenian restaurant to eat eat eat kebab (shashlik). and viola with bread. and the sour cream and the milk. all the produce tastes so much better than here, maybe ebcasue it is natural? we must have bought kalbasa every other day and eaten it up for breakfast. i didn't realize just how many blinchiki i ate, ok its like eating a hot dog every day? not very healthy, but i figured i was on vacation and could allow for it.

eating a blinchik with apples at Chaynaya Loshka (tea spoon) on Nevskiy Prospekt.

customer service.
ok not much i can say about this because it does not really exist. people will be rude to you, bottum line. but don't take anything close to heart because it does not seem like anyone does. maybe i am only perceiving them as rude, coming from sunny CA where the sun always shines and the smiles never fade and the polite people just seem to smother me with fakeness... maybe i am too used to happy friendly smiling people. i was waiting at the produce market for this lady to finish putting some bottles up so i can ask her to cut me a piece of kalbasa but she just would not pay any attention to me. i was the only one waiting and she did not even turn around to look at me, though i was sure she saw me. i waited for abour 5 mins, not wanting to interrupt her when thos other cutomer comes in and asks her if she is open. she turns around and with an angry voice says "yes im open! but if you just stand there and not say anything i will not help you!!" so i got mad and walked out. it seems like people who work in places like this, even in restairants are not trained to be nice to the customers. also we were in a super market (ok SUPER, you people shop at baby markets compared to this one) looking for some specific wine when an employee ooverhears us looking for it and just starts yelling at us about why we do not know that July 1st is coming soon blah blah, you people are annoying me with all these questions, blah blah. well, apparently starting July 1st there is some new regulations with expensive wine and the wine companies need to send their bottles out to have them stamed or stickerd or something that ordinary people just don;t know or, frankly, care about. also the girl at the check out rolled her eyes at us and told us in a very annoyed voice that we did not have enough credit on the card (my mom's friend olga took us to this particular market where u use a store credit type of card instead of a credit card or cash).

ok so i think i covered alot (not all, im realizing this will take forever if i even try to) but i ahve not yet dwelved into the culture, the history, the art. The most important stuff, right?
so, here it goes. i have been learning about russian history since the day i was born and yet, i lack so much knowledge about it. that is why i got a book from the captain (thanks scarlett) all about russia and have failed to read it before my trip, as i had hoped. i couldn;t even get past Peter I. but, regardless, certain history i know of, of course and sometimes get this weird uncomfortable feeling when learning of a new aspect of russian history, because it mostly has to do with some sort of genocide or revolution or war. being right there, in a country, a city even with so much history and so much to tell just in its buildings and the faces of the people reality gave me a reality check.

posing with Pushkin.

in front of the Kresiravrora, the ship that signaled the beginning of the revolution in 1917 by making the first fire. an unplanned visit with our "interesting" tour of the city, by bus.

inside of Petrapalovskoya krepast'

The Winter Palace.
where all the royalty is buried.

Yekaterina's garden.

gates by Spas na Kravi.

Rastral'naya Kalona.

inside of Isakivskiy Sabor, everything inside is made out of marble.

view from the top of Isakivskiy Sabor.

the love scene
everyone in st. petersburg seems to be in love. holding hands, kissing, kissing, more kissing. i even began counting the number of couples that i saw, and soon lost track. everyone seems in love and happy. at first this was cute, then it got annoying and i began to detest these couples. its not that they harm me in any way, but they kiss and touch and kiss each other everywhere, whether u are on the metro, in a park, just walking down the street.. you will see some love birds expressing their affection. some people told me this is so out in the open because people have no where else to go. families are already crammed into a tiny apartment as it is, having a boyfriend around can be a challenge, so.. they are open about it.

long lost freindship
i had a best friend Veronica in 1st grade and we kept in touch for about 4 or 5 years after i moved. we have not seen each other since we were 8 years old. i made up my mind that i would find her. i worked up my courage to call her, fearing that i would not be polite on the phone with my broken Russian and finally dialed her old phone number. When I finally got a hold of Veronica(a week long persuit), she had guessed right away who this girl was(me) that kept calling her. She was very friendly on the phone and we made a date to meet right away. I must say that I almost forgot what she looked like, but when I saw her her facial features resembled some of what I slightly remember. She is the most cool girl that I have met on my visit. its true. i thought that it would be awkward since we are practically strangers and here i am pulling an "everything is illuminated" type of scene. she seemed as excited to meet me as i was to meet her. it turns out that she is also studying psychology. she was just very easy to get along with and asked me alot of questions that most people did not. when i hung out with others my age, there was almost like a type of cloud above us, i cant really explain the feeling but there was a feeling of "us and them," like i am from some other world and they are from russia. but Veronica was chill. we talked about school, friends, hobbies, etc. we met one other time and she insisted on treating me to eizebaijan food. sooo delicious (more shishka bab). if anything, i made a new old friend.

its werid looking back at my trip. everything happened so fast. while i was there i just could not get comfortable. i could not understand the pace of life. i was on vacation, and everyone else was doing their everyday routine. i did want to go home at one point. i felt that i did not belong. i felt lost in a city which speaks my language. and at the same time i felt a "home" type of feeling. seeing the old babushki sitting on the benches was comforting. smelling the food and especially eating it was comfortable and scrumtuous as well. the smells, the sounds, the sights all brought feelings of nastalgia mixed with curiosity and some sort of longing to belong. and most important, my family made me feel like i can fit in very easily.. although i know that would be a very difficult task. did i like it? yes. did i love it? yes. will i go back? i certainly hope so. and yet again its difficult not to compare my old life with my new life. i think that it is almost impossible to suppose all the whats and hows. i love my life and would not want to change things as they are right now.
and somehow i miss st. petersburg. maybe its the beauty of the city, or just more of me that wants to explore more of... me, where i came from, what i could have been, how i can be more of me. im not sure exactly what the driving force is but i definately learned alot on my trip. for example, now i understand why russians in the States eat sushi. this is mainly due to the fact that russians in russia eat sushi. you will see a sushi restaruant almost on every corner where restaurants exist. there is even a place called "yaposhka" (its like "jap" in english), its a chain. also, i see now why russian ladies in California (i have not seen them in other states) dress the way they do. (leopard skin purse, big white hair and the whole shibang) well... that is kind of how they look in russia. except over there they fit in and look good. here they just look out of place i think. this in not all that i learned of course. i learned many things about myself, about my family, and about my culture (the culture of vica) because even though im russian, i am also american and i am also a hippie and a food addict and an ani fan and a dreamer and a skeptic and a soon to be lawyer(not so soon actually). st. petersburg made a big impression on me and i am almost envious of those who live there, as many there are probably envious of where i live. i will see you soon st. petersburg, you just wait.